1. Once upon a time there was a lone warrior tortoise.
He roamed Santa Monica in search of food…
“The cactus drew first blood!” he said.
Nothing could keep Rambo from a prefect…round…beer.
Occasionally, Rambo himself was mistaken for a hamburger.
One day, Rambo became famous when a random person took his picture and it ended up on the front page of Reddit.
Suddenly, everyone thought he was a ninja turtle!
Now, Rambo spreads the word about tortoise conservation.
But at the end of the day, he walks out into the sunset alone…at .005 mph.