1. Once upon a time there was a lone warrior tortoise.

He roamed Santa Monica in search of food…

“The cactus drew first blood!” he said.

Nothing could keep Rambo from a prefect…round…beer.

Occasionally, Rambo himself was mistaken for a hamburger.

One day, Rambo became famous when a random person took his picture and it ended up on the front page of Reddit.

Suddenly, everyone thought he was a ninja turtle!

So Rambo started a blog, a Facebook and a Twitter to clear his name and make some friends.

Now, Rambo spreads the word about tortoise conservation.

But at the end of the day, he walks out into the sunset alone…at .005 mph.

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/simmantics/rambo-the-tortoise-bnmp